Performative Men Are Easy to Mock — But What If They're Doing the Work?
Even performative growth is still growth.
What’s going on?
Men are being called out at scale.
Brings a goat to a coffee shop? Performative.
Loves thrifting and matcha? Performative.
Plays the ukulele on the street? Performative.
On an escalator and carrying a totebag while reading two books? Performative.
Wearing a shirt that says “written by Sally Ronney?” (You know what’s coming.)
Some of these scenarios are skits or seem staged. Others might well be real (goat man?). But they all show that sincerity is sus, and sweetness might be calculated.
What’s driving it?
Especially Millennials had the Manic Pixie Dream Girl – whimsical, wide-eyed, and ready to burst into song. But her quirks (generally) weren’t for show.
“Performative men” are held to a different standard. Even when their actions seem earnest – reading feminist theory, rescuing animals, embracing soft aesthetics – there’s a lingering suspicion: are they doing it for the cause, or for the clout?
But we also have to bear in mind: many are actually trying. 88% of men say they want to know how to help women succeed at work, and the younger they are, the more likely they are to describe themselves as feminist.
And so what if they are cringe? We’ve seen a major reassessment of shame over the last years. Steven Bartlett credits his success to getting over the fear or being judged:
“Embarrassment is the price of entry – and most people just aren’t willing to pay it.”
And TikToker Mik Wild asks the critics to check their motivations:
What does it mean?
Or rather, why do we care if performative men are just aura-farming?
Essentially: sincerity still feels sacred – we want to believe people mean what they say and do. But the line between what’s real and what’s performance has blurred badly – is it for the gram or from the heart? So we judge behavior not by what it is, but by what we think motivated it.
But while intentions can be hard to read, outcomes are easier to track. If a man is showing up – awkwardly, visibly, even performatively – and helping shift norms, it shouldn’t immediately be dismissed.
Basically: Impact matters more than intent.
Final takeaway
How can we give people space to sincerely (if awkwardly) figure it out without assuming they’re faking it? Or even give them the space to fake it till they make it?